Finding Inner Calm and Deeper Wisdom

Go Deep to Learn Who You Really Are.

Archive for the ‘lovemaking’ Category

Go Deeper With Tantra

leave a comment »

Let’s take some time to focus on putting meditation and sex together. When you mix sex with the meditative state, you’ll find it is a powerful and useful combination in several ways. It helps you to take sex to a more satisfying and more meaningful level. It also helps focus your meditative practice, and can lead to a deeper level of inner development.

Sex is the most powerful energy in the human body. While we normally use it primarily for pleasure and health—and occasionally for actual procreation, it can also be focused to accomplish things with the mind and body that might otherwise be impossible.

The practice of using the mind to influence the body and, conversely, using the body to influence the mind is called tantra. Since my teaching and coaching is primarily about meditation (and not necessarily sex), the goal of my writing today is more about deepening and expanding your meditation using sex. I want you to add tantra to deepen your meditative practice, thus opening the possibility of receiving knowledge from parts of your mind you’ve never known before.

We’ve looked at the enormous amount of sensory input flooding into the mind from the lips and genitals during sex. I suggest that with the cooperation of your partner, you ask for a period of time while having sex when you don’t communicate with each other, but rather take that time to be quiet and go within yourself. Use your mind to simply notice the huge rush of physical pleasure without actually thinking about it. It will help if, during that time, you can be completely relaxed, not move, and let your partner administer the pleasure to you. Don’t try to achieve orgasm or allow yourself to have any goal whatsoever in your mind.

The concept here is to “tie up” the mind by using it to notice and enjoy the immense pleasure but without thinking about it—or anything else, for that matter. It’s all about lulling the conscious thought machine into being still. If you fall into the trap of thinking, “oh boy, this is really great sex,” or “oh my god, I have the best lover in the world,” then you’ve been defeated by your thinking machine. Instead, instruct your conscious mind to not think. The whole idea for you here, as a meditator, is to experience a deeper state of inner stillness and peace.

Deeper Sex, Deeper Love

leave a comment »

I promised to write about some of the practical, real-world ways you can take your sexual love relationship to a deeper, more meaningful level. These are valuable and immensely satisfying discoveries. So, I hope this knowledge will be beneficial. If that is true for you, please leave a comment and tell me about it.

The first practical step toward Deeper Sex/Deeper Love is simply getting more of the body’s nerve endings involved in the sexual act. The genitals have the second largest number of nerve endings of any area on the body. That’s why sex feels so good. But the lips and mouth have an even larger number of nerve endings, which means that open-mouth kissing during genital sex more than doubles the physical sensation of the act. From what women tell me, most men don’t kiss while making love. Hey, what is wrong with you guys?

Men, stop being so self-centered and thinking only about your own satisfaction. Create some good face-to-face, eye-to-eye intimacy, and start kissing your girl during the act.

In addition, a lot of you women need to learn how to open up wider to receive your lover. Several beneficial movements in Yoga are hip openers that greatly enhance your lovemaking skills. One way of doing this (in the missionary position) is to bend your knees, put the soles of your feet close together, bring the feet close to your seating bones, and let your knees fall apart as far as they can. Now, you can rotate your pelvis toward your lover, giving him the maximum penetration. The man can cup a hand under your buttocks and lift it slightly which helps to take his penis to the glory land. Wow. Subtle difference, but a major effect.

The chief goal here is maximizing body area that is being touched by both of you. Your bellies and chests will be rubbing together. And of course, you both should have your hands touching and caressing every part your lover’s body you can reach. The skin is known as the largest organ of the body. Touching and rubbing makes a huge difference. In addition to maximizing bodily touching, you can also use visual and auditory communication. Look into your lover’s eyes while you are making love. Kiss, nibble, and whisper into your lover’s ears. Express your feelings.

If you can put all this together, then you have achieved a huge step forward in being a good lover, at least on the physical level. One cute little name for this skill uses three four-letter words, the first two of which are full and body. So from now on, when I talk about the FBF, you’ll know what I mean, right?

Here’s your homework: Practice the FBF for a while, and I’ll work on some ideas to take us into the deeper realm of tantric lovemaking. Meanwhile, have fun.

Written by Eduardo Mitchell

May 10, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Meditation and Sex

leave a comment »

The human mind/body has a potentially powerful connection between the true meditative state and sexual love. If you are fortunate enough to have a sexually active love relationship with another person, you might discover the splendid benefits of combining sexual love-making with meditation. By the way, the most important definition of tantra, as I know it, is using the body (especially with sex) to influence the mind. Most teachers and masters of inner development understand the close relationship between sex and meditation, and most will shamelessly use that connection to deepen and extend the benefits of both.

As you may already know, I define the true meditative state as having a wide-awake mind without thinking. If you have a successful and on-going meditative practice, and you are able to enter that state of mind while having sex with someone you love and who loves you, then you may draw very close to one of the side-gates of nirvana.

Perhaps I could express that a bit more clearly: Being able to empty the thinking mind and be without thought while enjoying delicious sex with your lover will enhance both your lovemaking and your meditation. Meditative sex might take you to a deeper level than you’ve ever experienced, in both meditation and sexual love.

An even more enticing and exciting possibility is that you (and possibly your lover) will discover a spiritual aspect to your relationship. By that, I mean that your relationship will be not only between your bodies and your minds, but also will include a connection between your human spirit and that of your lover. Such a connection, if it ever happens to you, will create a bond like none you have ever experienced with another human being. Alas, many of my readers aren’t able to go with me when I talk about the spiritual realm—which is okay. We’ll put that off for a while.

But, let’s get back to sex.

Since most of my writing and coaching is about meditation, I typically don’t put a lot of focus on sex. Maybe I should change that. From my past experience and much reading, I notice that most teachers and masters actually start off with sex when they train new students. Sex gets people very interested very quickly, and it harnesses the most powerful energy of the human body/mind to get things started. Yes, I think I’ll put a lot more emphasis on sex.

But, there’s sex, and then there’s sex. And, from what I’ve been told by a lot of people (both men and women), many people don’t do it right. That is, they don’t use sex as a way to develop a deeper and more intimate relationship with their lover. Too many people are focused mostly on achieving their own satisfaction. Perhaps my own gender is more guilty of that than it should be. Wham, bam, and well…you know.

So, let me get to work on the next post that will address the challenge of deeper and more intimate sex—that is, actual techniques of love-making that will pave the way for deeper contact between two lovers. Hmmm, this might be a daunting challenge—or a lot of fun.

Written by Eduardo Mitchell

April 20, 2012 at 9:51 am